• mom: can you do me a favor?
  • me: will you pay me?
  • mom: why do i have to pay you to do me a favor?
  • me: Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange.

imsoshive:

me: what’s for dinner?

her: *spreads her legs*

me: 

image

so, did you not cook or ….. cause popeyes closes at 10 and i need to leave now if i’m gon make it. 

132,884 notes

validx2:

Wanna be Rapper: Im finna drop this hot ass mixtape real soon all the tracks gone be fire!

Me:

image

407 notes
College kids literally don’t care about walking in the way of cars at school because we’re like “hit me i don’t care pay my tuition.”

"Hit me my thesis is due in 12 hours and I haven’t started it"

"Hit me I have a final in an hour and I didn’t study"

"Hit me I’ve been on a 24 hour drinking binge and I’m invincible"

"Hit me. You’re a university vehicle and I’ll get free tuition."

"Hit me I feel like a failure anyway"

(via bl-ossomed) 394,268 notes

extraordinarymarielle:

jeffreydahmers-cookbook:

Aaron Paul: confused by fashion

the greatest post in internet history

"the fuck is this?? the fuck is that??"

423,821 notes

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